This empty moment also flits away as I’m still trying to
fill it with desultory busyness. I watch the moments accumulate to form periods of ‘nothing’. My nebulous thoughts and erratic emotions collide with and morph into
each other, and we soon find ourselves on a slippery slope of meaningless
mulling – meaningless because I’m mulling over the empty moments that are passing by. I realize that over the years I have gathered growing piles of ‘nothing’ – of guilt
& inertia, which keep fading into the bottomless pits of time.
This is my addiction - my addiction to Nothing.
My addiction to an involuntary urge of pondering over everything
and accomplishing nothing; to the discomfort of hunger past meal
times and the accompanying nonchalance; to the perfect vision of a productive evening
and the emerging void.
I fight it day in and day out - accept it and deny it, suppress
it and feed it, resist it and give in to it.
It's always Nothing.
It's always Nothing.
