The clock is ticking
faster than I could ever want;
My footsteps are heavy,
And everything around me seems to taunt…

I know this poem is childish
but so is my dilemma,
It’s early in the morning & my mind screams –
“Why 8 o’ clock classes mammaaahhhh…?!”

Once in class
I wait for the projector to flicker to life,
So I can slip into oblivion,
And tune out the unrelenting tripe;

As though by magic, the clock drops dead
Mocking at me in gleeful disdain;
And beg & coax & plead as I may
to bring it back to life
It’s all in vain, all in vain…

Somehow the endless torture
screeches to an unseeming halt,
But my mind is so numb, I simply wonder –
“Is all this really my fault?!”

Slowly & gradually,
I come back into being,
As we scuttle back to our nests
to do what we’re best at doing,
Mocking back at Time & doing nothing…

>>> I tried hard to get the lines indented "appropriately", but then the damn editor doesn't have any poetic sense, so just bear with ze fragmented rhyming (and the inanity as well:D )

Snakes...

Those of you who know me would definitely know which snakes I’m talking about here and they’re definitely not the slimy, slithering creatures that scare the living daylights out of me. For the uninitiated, I’m talking about Snake II, classified into Classic and Campaign, the game that along with Nokia 1100, is on the verge of extinction. Or at least the charm of the black & white Snakes seems to have been lost with the advent of the newer, fancy phones…

I am addicted to Snakes…in the true sense of the meaning of the word ‘addict’. I’ve been hooked onto Snakes for almost 5 years now & although the initial euphoria of beating high scores has died away, the addiction refuses to let go of me. The sight of my phone lying around peacefully, undisturbed, simply bothers me. It doesn’t matter if I’m reading, ‘studying’, trying to sleep or am doing nothing; playing Snakes has been incorporated so soundly into my activities, it’s like advertisements in media.

And why do I play Snakes?
The rational explanation that my consciousness initially offered was that it gives me a break from whatever I am doing (if I’m doing anything i.e.). But after some more probing, my sub-consciousness sheepishly admitted that it’s just an excuse for doing nothing. I’ve already waxed eloquent on my ‘eagerness’ to jump into any sort of action, but sometimes amidst the chaos in my life, the 5 minutes I spend playing the petty game is all the time I get to myself in the entire day. The entire process is so perfunctory; it’s as good as staring into space.

So what did I do before there was Snakes?
I stared into space, like everyone else… It’s just that with the passage of time, idleness has become too luxurious an enterprise to be afforded. Because with idleness comes gultiness(sic). And the gultiness is as good as a dementor!

And now when I have to use one of the ‘fancy phones’ back at home, it seems so alien; it gives me the feeling you get when you look into an empty room hoping to find someone who’s been long gone.

It’s funny how we console ourselves for doing things we are too embarrassed to admit under an array of pretexts. I’m clinging onto my cell phone under the pretext of living in a hostel (and it does make perfect sense because nobody in his right mind would steal my phone!). But to think of it, it’s just an illusion I’ve created for myself; and it’s good while it lasts! Even though I don’t know what I’ll do when I get a new phone, I will eventually get one. And like all things in life, this chapter of my life too will blend into another one. Because life isn’t always about holding on; sometimes it’s about letting go. It’s how you gather memories over the years…
Else we’d never have any memories…

My Daddy’s Biiigggg Car :)

Today I went for a ride in our new Honda City :) Yeah, I can’t stop smiling… and by force of habit, I can’t stop my thoughts from straying to the past.
As a ten-year old, I remember gazing at the Maruti Esteems and the Fords, wondering what it was like to be inside one. I was actually silly enough to count the number of ‘big’ cars I encountered whenever I stepped out of the house. My brother and I actually managed to fit ourselves on our Bajaj, with dad driving and mom clinging onto one of us! Through rain and sunshine, we depended on our scooter to get us anywhere and everywhere and it rarely let us down.
As a kid, the plump packets of chips and tidbits were totally and completely out of reach; in fact after a point of time, I didn’t even bother trying my luck asking for one. Clothes were those that had been passed down from generations and generations of cousin brothers, and mainly my own brother… and it took me a really long time to figure out why the t-shirts I wore looked different from the ones the other girls wore. Right up to college, I’d never even dreamt of having a cell phone at my disposal, let alone a laptop.
A lot has changed; the scooter eventually gave way to a Maruti 800, which later made way for an Esteem. Somewhere along the way, a new scooter and my Scooty joined in and now we’re celebrating the latest entry which doesn’t really fit into our garage. Our living room’s no longer the football ground where 3 kids (dad included) tossed around a bottle-cap. It’s more like a museum now with objects from all over the place. Our dear old 486 PC has been replaced by a sleek HP Pavilion.
And as these little alterations, mere ripples in our lives, come together to form an ocean of change, I wonder if the change has really penetrated the surface to touch what we really are. We’re still the same people we were 10 years ago, we still love each other, we still can’t do without friends, still listen to the radio, and still miss each other…


>> and having lingered on for too long on this post, I can’t think of suitable ending, though I was basically trying to say price tags shouldn’t determine what we are and that we shouldn’t lose touch with ourselves.. I’ll try completing it later sometime…

And as I beg your leave, this poor, unintelligent soul begs forgiveness! Divine patrons absolve my sin or I shall drown in my own remorse… drown… helpless, guilty, lost, forlorn…
Oh Lord, Oh Lord!!